I suppose that these concepts are essentially intertwined. Loss, such a profound experience, occurs frequently throughout our lives on varying levels. For instance, in the last year, my friend has lost a family member, her partner, and a friend. So significant is this barrage of pain that she has also lost the ability to step beyond the aching agony of her existence.
In my own experience, while seemingly disguised as the loss of possessions and prestige, I have lost the vision of a life that I had once imagined. Perhaps naive, I expected that I would continue to succeed because I work hard, did my best to follow the rules, and put others before myself. Unfortunately, the goals that we set for ourselves are reliant on others, natural circumstance, and the alignment of certain stars with which I am unfamiliar.
Disillusioned for a time, my wanderings took me far from this vision, and even farther from understanding the path set before me. What we believe, what we want, is not always what is best, or even right for us. As cliched as this is, I can see now, the amount of control that I have over my life. It is minute; for in the grand scheme, I am but a speck of dust.
Knowing this, knowing that I can only improve where my life is presently, I have begun to let go. Letting go of preconceived notions; letting go of past hurts and slights; letting go of the expectations of who I am supposed to be. The loss is unexpected and inevitable. We cannot control that. We can let go, though. We can move beyond the unimaginable. We can let go of who we are, and embrace change...for the better.
Are you referring to the expectations of others or of yourself?
ReplyDeleteAnd, if they're expectations you had of yourself, do you know the origins of those expectations?
I, too, have had many expectations of myself that I had to let go of. Those expectations originated from what others believed I was, or could be and I listened to them instead of myself. Even at my age I still find my goals and aspirations are often wound around what others believe about me. Sometimes, though, I find I falter in my goals because I don't want to be responsible for the intertwined fates of others close to me. How foolish can I be before I finally let go of everything by what I truly am and want to be? I'm still waiting to find out, I guess. It's not so easy to find myself.
I didn't mean for that to sound so negative. Self exploration is a sort of fulfilling and exciting endeavor in itself. Life is a strange and wonderful course. It's easy to get lost and to get in a panic when I get lost, but often getting lost leads to something exciting, too, since there are so many avenues I didn't know were out there before I got lost on them.
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